Sida haddeer ay dad badan, dhag ka maqal uun ula kulmeen, baan review uu ka diyaariyay Buug uu qoraa Soomali ah uu ugu xaglinayay Siyaad Barre akhriyay. Qoraagaas oo ka qayb galay shirkii Somali studies oo markaas Xamar lagu qabtay, oo ay qaadaceen academicskii ay ka mid ahaayeen Togane.

Tan iyo waayagaas Togane wuxuu noqday cod u hadla inta dulman, taabta bugtada Soomalida. Ka dhiijiya malaxda dhex jiifta "Conflicting myths-ka Soomalida".

Mahadsanidin (Lifaaqa)

gacmo

---

Islam began as a stranger and will become once more as a stranger.
—Prophet Muhammad(Peace Be Upon Him)

In a land of

Ahmeds

Mahammads

And

Mahamoods

There was one called

Michael Mariano

He was the only Muslim

In a land of real mean Munafiqeen

In a land of fake Muslims

He was the only Christian

In a land of so-called Muslims

In sad Somalia

The only real Muslim I had come across was

A Christian

Called

Michael Mariano

In exile

I wondered as I wandered

In Zambia

In 1985

By the rivers of Zambia

There I sat down

Yea

I wept when I remembered Zion

Somalia

How shall I sing the Lord's Somali song in a strange land

If I forget thee, O Mogadishu,

Let my right hand forget her cunning

By the river of the Zambezi

There I met Michael Mariano

(As the Russians say

A hill never meets a hill

But man is always meeting man!)

Michael was then our man in Zambia

Michael was then our Somali Ambassador to Zambia

Michael welcomed all Somalis with open arms

Michael hosted me during my entire sojourn in Zambia

Michael must have read my mind

For that afternoon

After feeding me a feast

Of a lavish meal

Of roasted goat meat & rice

Of papaya & bananas

Of guava & mangoes

He introduced the postprandial tidbits

By declaring

—I know we Somalis say

A mouth

That has feasted becomes shy

A mouth

That has dined well is rendered

Blind

Dumb

Demure

Diplomatic

Pliable

Agreeable

So Togane

Don't be blind

Don't be dumb

Don’t be demure

Don’t demure

Don’t be diplomatic

Leave

Whatchamacallit

What you call

Devilomocy

For the devil & his disciples

Don’t be shy

Don’t be pliable

Don’t be agreeable

Be like

Mary

Mary

Quite contrary!

Make your mouth meow

Maya!

Make your mouth meow

Nyet!

Like a Soviet sot

Make your mouth meow

Nay!

Nay!

Don’t be mealy-mouthed

Do let me lead you

As a gracious host would lead an honored guest:

Pray do tell me

What was the reaction of the Somali intelligentsia

Languishing

In sad exile

In cold North America

Upon hearing

That I had accepted

This comfortable cozy crazy cushy exile

Under the scorching African sun

This Somali ambassadorial sinecure

From Papa Doc Afwayne

From the hyena of Garbaharay

From the dirty Darod Dictator

From our superb savage Somali sorcerer?

I beg of you

I adjure you

In the name of our friendship

Speak of what they say

Nothing extenuate.

—Michael

They say

Et tu, Michael!

They say

That you had let the Somali nation down

They say

That like the Faqash

You had betrayed your own Isaaq clan family

They say

That you could have said

No

To the Darod donkey of a despot

As General Mahammad Abshir had

They say

That you had ruined

Your reputation

Your good name

Your impeccable credentials

As a true Somali patriot

They say

That now Afwayne dare laugh & say

After Michael

There is no Somali of significance left

That I cannot corrupt

That I cannot co-opt

That I cannot compromise

That I cannot make co-operate

That I cannot make go along with me to get along in this silly Somali life

That I cannot make

Do my bidding

Do as I damn well please!

They say

That Papa Doc Despot now believes

That every Somali has

Either a price

Or

A breaking point

They say

That now Afwayne can wink & swagger & boast

As LBJ had

And say of you:

I got his prick in my pocket!

His balls too!

As LBJ had said of

Hubert Humphrey

Pray Michael

Tell me

What do you say now

To what the Somali intelligentsia say

Whenever your name comes up?

What the devil has the Darod despot done to you

To make you toe his Marehan-Ogaden-Dhulbahante line?

Michael

What dare you say in your defense now?

—Togane

I dare say this

If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart

Absent thee from Somali felicity awhile

And in this harsh hateful Somali mad MOD world

Draw thy breath in pain

To tell my Somali story

Before

The rest is silence

I dare say

What I had dared say

To the Marehan tin-horn tyrant!

Say to all the Somalis you see

In sad exile

In the Somali Diaspora

That I had accepted the dictator’s deal

Upon these three conditions

Which I believed the dreadful dictator

Would never be able to countenance

Let alone accept

But which he had

To my utter amazement

It is true

You can never predict

What will issue

Out of the Somali bush

Or

Out of the Somali bushy brain

These are the conditions

That I had laid down

This is how I am making the Somali gangster

Run my own gauntlet

&

Dance to these not so loony tunes

(1) That I won’t brook

Any input

Any interference

Any impertinence

Any gaff

Any guff

Any guffaw

From the blind mouth of the Marehan

From his foreign minister

From that Marehan moron

From Buluq Balaq Bililqsi

From Humpty Dumb Dumpty

From the rapist of every Somali woman

Who sought his signature for her passport

(2) That I am going to be a Somali Ambassador

To serve the Somali people

For the express interest of the Somali nation

That whatever happens

Between Papa Afwayne & my Issaaq clan-family

Is none of my fucking business

It is Afwayne’s own lookout

Always remember

I am always on the lookout for the national interest

So

I just won’t get involved

In that blindman’s bluff

In that blind mare’s nest

In that crazy coonish clownish clannish game

(3) That I will serve the Somali people as their ambassador

Somewhere east of Suez

Where the palm and not the pine holds sway

Definitely

Not in cold Canada

Not in Our Lady of the Snows

Not anywhere in the world where it snows

My old Somali bones cannot bear

That numbing cold dreadful dust

That would freeze the marrow in my old bones

That is why I am here in Zambia

Doing what no other Somali Ambassador dare do

Serve my Somali people

Minister to the needs of my Somali people

No matter what crazy clan they claim to come from!

Just one recent example will do

To point this moral

To adorn this tale

Togane

See that umbrella tree

In the middle of this Somali diplomatic mission compound

In this bend of the Zambezi river

A fortnight ago

Three days in a row

I saw a Somali elder sitting under that umbrella tree

On the fourth day

I couldn’t take it anymore

I invited him in

Sat him down exactly where you are sitting now

To hear his story

To hear him say

—I am a Somali

I am in sore need of a Somali passport

It is the fourth day…

—I heard enough

I walked him to the Embassy offices

In the heat of the African killer noon sun

And gave him his Somali passport

And invited him back in for dinner

In his Somali Embassy

He was beside himself with joy

He placed his right hand upon my head

And began to mumble

To shower me with spit-spiced blessings

And recited the Fatiha over me:

In the name of Allah, the Merciful, the Compassionate!

Praise be to Allah, who the three worlds made.

The Merciful, the Compassionate.

The King of the Day of Fate.

Thee alone do we worship & of Thee alone do we ask aid.

Guide us to the path that is straight.

The path of those whom thy love is great,

Not those in whom is hate,

Nor they that deviate.

Amen.

He spat on his palm

And poured out

All the blessings of the treasures of Fatiha

Upon my Christian head

He was over fond of the Fatiha

The chapter of treasure of the Holy Koran

He was an honest Abgal

He was from your clan

He was penniless

Anxious to get back home to Somalia

After wondering

After wandering

All over East Africa

The Abgal tortoise had his fill of wanderlust

I gave him all the money he needed to get back home

Whereupon he began to bubble over

With the blessings of his gratitude

With the Fatiha upon his lips

All over again

All over me

Showering me with blessings

Laden & leavened with his spittle

Finally

I could not contain myself

I burst out:

—Look here

My Abgal Friend

I am not a Muslim

I am a Christian

Spare me your Fatihas!

I am what you Somalis call

Gaal Madow!

A black infidel

A coon

A kaffir

A cur

My name is not Mahammad

My name is Michael Mariano

The tyrant who made it impossible for all of us Somalis

To live

In our country

In peace

Is Muslim

As you know

He is called

Mahammad

He is named after your Prophet of Al Islam!

The guy who denied you

Your passport in Mogadishu

Is Muslim

His name is

Noor Bithaar

The guy who denied you

Your passport

In Nairobi Kenya

Is Muslim

He is called

Mahammad

He too is named after your Prophet of Al Islam!

The guy who denied you

Your passport

In Kampala Uganda

Is Muslim

He is called

Mahammad

He too is named after your Prophet of Al Islam!

The guy who denied you

Your passport

In Dar es Salaam Tanzania

Is Muslim

He is called

Mahammad

He too is named after your Prophet of Al Islam!

The guy who has been giving you the runaround

Here in Lusaka Zambia

For the last three days

Is Muslim

He is called

Mahammad

He too is named after your Prophet of Al Islam!

Don’t waste your Fatiha upon me

I am a Christian

A follower of The Christ

In whose name

I try to do unto others

As I would have them do unto me

I repeat

My name is

Michael Mariano

I have done for you

What I have done

In the name of my Lord

In the name of my Master

Jesus Christ

Who teaches me daily

Whispering in my soul

Verily, I say unto you

Inasmuch as you have done it

Unto one of the least of these my brethren

You have done it unto me.

Brother man

Mahammad Somali Abgal

Go in peace

May your journey back home to Somalia be

A safe one

A peaceful one

Godspeed!

—Brother

Michael Mariano

Now I beg of you

Now I adjure you

In the name of all that is good

In the name of all that is decent

In the name of all that is desirable

In the name of all that is holy

In the name of all that is human

In the name of The Christ

In whose name you had served me

Do not become a Muslim

Lest you become

As merciless

As malicious

As mendacious

As murderous

As mindless

As mean

As Munaafaq

As my fellow Muslims!

Mohamud Togane
togane@earthlink.net